Life, Love and New Beginnings

Well, it's been an embarrassingly long time since I've posted anything. Let's just say life has been full and this blog got shoved out of the priority box.

Since my last blog, we've found out we're pregnant with a girl! God definitely knows what He's doing, we are so thankful we can't see it all. This little girl is more important to than we can imagine. We have decided to name her Sophia Belle (Sophye Belle) for short. Sophia means wisdom, and excellent virtue. Belle means beautiful. We are so excited to meet her!

Truett's bout with encephalitis has greatly improved. We are still struggling to get his eye to start working. He is still in glasses and we are patching his good eye to make the eye that isn't working, work. He's getting better at it, much better than I ever could have imagined!

Liam is definitely in his toddler years! He is discovering his voice, his assertiveness and his desire to play with toys that brother is playing with. Let's just say our house is a little noisy at this stage. He is battling an ongoing ear infection for about 2 months now, and we are on the last treatment before we decide to get tubes or not. I'm ready to have my healthy baby back!

The Lord has done wondrous, miraculous things this past week for Tate and I. Our marriage has never been stronger, more enjoyable and we love each other more than we ever thought possible. It's amazing how God can heal through pain. All I will say is how thankful we are for his providence and unimaginable love for us.

I will try to do better in the future on posting. We'll see how it goes!

Captivating Retreat, Crooked Creek Colorado

So, obviously this blog has been seriously delayed. And I have struggled as to whether I should even post it. It has been 3 months since I came home from Captivating, and the assault on my children's health, our finances, my marriage and my freedom has been relentless. The enemy has not let up one bit. From the moment I got off the plane in Abilene, he has been attacking. I can't lie and say I have not thought about giving up, waving a flag and admiting defeat. But, in the core of my being, I KNOW my King is stronger. And nothing has changed since I wrote this post. I guess the assault on me is kind of a good thing, it means my enemy is scared. So I am being obedient to what I think God wants me to share, to be transparent in my story, and to completely give glory to God!

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I had the incredible opportunity to go to the Captivting Women't Retreat in Colorado a few weeks ago (back in August). Captivating is a book written by John and Stasi Eldredge for women and God's pursuit of our hearts. I enjoyed the book, but I think it was just the beginning of God's romancing me. It set up what He was going to show me. I have been wanting to go on this retreat for some time, but it's hard to get into, so when my sister told me she could get us three sisters and 3 friends in, I was over-joyed! I had no idea what God was planning to do, but I couldn't wait to find out. And I COMPLETELY under-estimated what was going to happen.

The retreat was at the Young Life Retreat Center in Crooked Creek, or Fraser Colorado. It was the perfect place to fall in love again with Christ. And I have waited so long to have this relationship with Him. I have never really understood the concept of "being the lover" of Christ. It actually would make me feel uncomfortable thinking about it. But now, that title, being the lover of Christ makes perfect sense. And more than that, I understand it, in my HEART! He truly loves ME, He adores ME, He romances me with the desires of my heart, He is tender to me. He is who I desire, who I long to be with when I wake up, who I can't wait to share things with, to rest in. How can I explain this intimacy? It is what was intended, what I searched for as a young girl, a wild girl, "looking for love in all the wrong places". He is what I have always searched for, not just the typical church/God relationship that you do out of obedience or fear, but the one who "completes me", if you will. He is what I was looking for in every false comforter like food, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, isolation, whatever it may be.

I have always loved God. Always. I have always wanted to please Him, for Him to be pleased with me. And at times in my life, I even felt like I "finally got it". There have been times through my story that I have been very close to Him, completely focused on Him, loving Him. This part of my story, however, is way beyond what I ever could have imagined. It wasn't the "Captivating" retreat that did it. Yes, it was hugely instrumental in the revelation, but God has been preparing my heart for a long time. And He knew what it would take for me to get it, to open my heart completely to Him. And He showed up in earthquake/tsunami/tornado like fashion in those mountains.

What happened? He showed me who I am. Simple, yes? Not for me, not for lots of women. I believed the lies about who I was. I believed that my identity, at the core of who I was, underneath all the layers, that I was evil. That I was my sin. That I was my insecurities. That I was my family's sin. I believed that because I am overweight, that that is who I am, nothing more. That I have nothing important to say or that my life could never be used, because I had a weight problem. I believed that Abbye was not worth it. That no matter what people told me, they would leave me, they would turn their back on me, and that I deserved it. That Abbye would never be truly accepted by family, friends, anyone. That Abbye would always be the insecure, fearful, angry, vulnerable, clumsy shy girl. I believed that no matter what God taught me, no matter what the scriptures said, no matter what the self-help books said, no matter what freedom I found, that I would never change. Ever. That is who I have always believed I am. That is the LIE I have always believed. That is what I have been carrying around with me for 25 years. I believed that Abbye is a lost-cause, and I could give you evidence that would back me up, evidence that Satan so "kindly" kept reminding me of.

So what happened?

God happened. As I'm writing this, my chest heaves with emotion! God came for me! You know all those chick-flick movies we love? The ones where the man, the hero, the love, comes for the woman? Mr. Darcy comes for Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice? Walking across the field to declare His love to her? He was not dainty in his coming for her, he CHARGED across that field for her. That was God. That was me. He came for me, in the most romantic way possible. There was no question about what was happening, Jesus, came for my heart, every part of it. He came for Abbye, sad and hopeless. I could see Him. He was there. I found this little spot by the river, a little cove. That's where He rescued me. And I tell you this, not in a fairytale/not-realistic kind of way. He came for me. I was sitting by that river, sobbing, begging God to deliver me, to free me from the bondage I was in. Begging Him to come for me. And He was there, He was there! In an instant, I felt the chains being yanked off, and light FLOODING my heart! I heard His voice, I felt His touch and in that moment, I got it. I finally got it. I am His. I am His. He is in love with me, ME! Not me who has to perform or act like I've got it all together. He is in love with the inner-most parts of me, who I really am. And nothing I can do will ever make Him stop loving me. My identity was revealed. My TRUE identity. And I finally understood it. They weren't just church words that held no meaning in my heart. I got it. I am Abbye, Daughter of the Most High King, Lover of the Resurected King, friend of the most powerful King! I finally got it. And it was not magical, it was real.



In the movie, "Last of the Mohicans", the beginning of the movie starts with the three Mohican indians running. I love this image. Imagine, Father, Son, Holy Spirit, racing, running hard, furious, passionate, to protect me, for my heart, Abbye. That they would fight for me, an insecure, vulnerable, clumsy, shy girl who is afraid of opening up, is HUGE! I have never seen myself as someone that anyone would fight for. But God showed me His passion for me. His desire for me, that HE fights for me and that HE delights in me!

He wants us to love Him. To seek Him with all our hearts. A woman longs to be sought after, too, with the whole heart of her pursuer. God longs to be desired. Just as a woman longs to be desired.


Stasi Eldredge and Lori McConell lead a beautiful ceremony one evening where we asked God for our new names. They gave each of us a pure white rock, which means "innocent", to write our new names on. As a woman, it is easy to believe all the false names given to me, given by others, the enemy and given from myself. It seems natural to wear these names, to embrace them as truth; shameful, hopeless, not likeable, stupid and ugly are some names I have worn, that I have embraced. I asked God to give me a new name, just from Him. I didn't expect to hear from Him so quickly! But it was clear! My new name is "Cherished"! To cherish is to hold dear, or show love for; To take good care of, to procect. I understand it now. God is after me, He desires me and I desire Him with EVERY breath! I wear this name with joy and pride.



I was so blessed to sit under the teachings of John and Stasi. I consider them as well as Ransomed Heart Ministries to be my teachers, my mentors at this time in my life. John talked to us on Saturday at the event. He spoke to us on why we as women are hated and targeted by satan and that we are called to be warriors! We have to fight him. Satan always goes after the beauty! He also taught on agreements and how we have to continually be alert and break them. The enemy will take something that seems believable and twist it just enough to make us agree.

"Fight and rebuke the demons; but come back to the romance, to the intimacy!"
~John Eldredge



Even closer to my heart is Stasi. This woman is precious, so incredibly precious. I loved sitting under her teaching, God used her testimony and her life to greatly influence mine. I had put her on a pedastal while I read "Captivating", but getting to know her, I was greatly priveledged to see the real woman, who struggles with her weight and is still beautiful and has important things to share! I never thought I could be of any importance if I was overweight at all. God used her mightily to reveal that lie I believed.


This has been an incredibly long post, and incredibly personal to me. I am trusting God to protect what I have shared and that it might minister to even one. I agreed to be transparent in my story. So there you go. :)

"Daughter, you took a risk of faith, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, Live blessed! Be healed of your plague!"

~Mark 5:34

Liam's 1st Birthday

So, I know this blog is over a month late, but at least I'm doing it, right?

We had Liam's birthday at the pool, and it was wonderful! It was relaxed, VERY SIMPLE, and lots of fun with family and friends...my kind of party.

Liam was adorable, loved his cake and enjoyed all his little friends. He has been such a joy to have in our family, he has no idea how much he is loved.

My beautiful and wonderful family.

I love how Liam looks to big-brother Truett. He already adores him!

Maddie, Truett's one-true love (he, he) is supporting Liam in this big moment of blowing out the non-lit candle.

Yummmm! He has his mommy's genes, he loves sugar!

Shove it in!

Sweet times with Daddy.

Truett finally had the courage to jump off the diving board.

...and go off the BIG slide.

Poppa getting in some tickle time.

One of his new presents from Mekah and Poppa.

Mommy and Liam getting used to the water.

Liam's 1st Birthday Cake!

Busy, busy, busy

I can't believe summer is almost over. I still have thoughts rolling around in my head like, "when summer starts, I'll get this done...". I hate to break it to myself, but it's a little late. But it's been a good summer. I've had to let some things go, like keeping my house organized and clean. I keep reminding myself to have fun with my boys and family, I can clean later.

Here is what's been going on out here since my last post.

My niece, Beca, and my nephew, Jake came to stay with Mom and Dad for a few days. Beca is 15 and Jake is 13! I still think of them as little ankle biters who I can boss around. :) But it was fun hanging out with them while they were awake. From the left is Vickie (Beca's Mom and my dear sis-in-law), Beca, my Tate, Truett and Jake.

I call this the "shiny leg picture". At least they had all shaved that day. From left is Beca, Vickie and my momma!

The other day I was washing the dishes and I realized Liam was quiet. That either means he's eating the dog food, pulling kleenex out of the box or pulling clothes out of drawers. I went looking and found him in Truett's room like this. My jaw hit the floor! I can't believe he pulled himself up into this chair, he just learned to crawl! But it was adorable, and he was SOOOO proud of himself. What joys!

Here Liam is watching it storm outside. If I'd let him, he would have been right out in it.

This is one of our sheep. Dad and Tate had one last day to work the sheep before Dad sells them all. It's kind of sad, I love lambing season and seeing all the babies every spring. But on to new ventures!

Dad was giving the shots and cutting off tails, while Tate was the rodeo clown holding them down.

Truett trying to help Daddy get the sheep in the right area. They didn't listen.

Tate butt, sheep butt. I thought it was funny.

My handsome husband.

Playdate at the park with some pretty cute kiddos. Noah, Maddie and Truett.

Truett and his girl, Maddie. He is convinced he's going to marry her. I'm okay with it, she has good parents.

We had our life group out the other night, had a good spread and ate under the oak trees. The kiddos had a good time, and allowed us adults to even talk a little! I know I say this a lot, but I am so blessed by this group, my family.

Liam and his buddy Carson. I can't believe they're about to be one so soon!

Late, but this is his 11 month picture. I had some really cute ones with the blocks spelling out 11 months old, like I usually do. But as I was editing them, I realized that I misspelled months. Genius, I know.

July 4th Weekend

This year we were supposed to spend the 4th in Colorado at my family's cabin, but that didn't work out (I miss you mountain air). So Tate and I took the boys to Arlington to stay at my friend's house and relax a little. It was nice to get away just the four of us, not do anything too demanding and just enjoy eachother.

Truett wanted me to put this in here, it's his "silly" face. I agree.

We went to the Ft. Worth Zoo Saturday morning. When we got there it was already 95degrees, and as we were leaving at 1:00, it was 103 degrees and people were swarming in! Crazy people! But here are the two big monkeys in front of the monkey house... hehe.

Liam was a trooper. His little cheeks were as pink as apples, but he did great. He fussed at us when we left the animals he liked to look at.

And we had to get a picture on the famous zoo jeep.

Riding the carousel in the sweltering heat. Glad we're happy people.

Riding the train. Dude, I look like a mom!

Liam was fascinated with the tracks and gnawing on the railing.

In front of some more monkeys. This was at the beginning of the trip, we're all still dry.

Where we stayed was right across I20 from the Ball Park, but we couldn't see the fireworks. But they sounded great and I can imagine they were beautiful. Maybe next year.

Summer Fun in a Flash

I am about to do some sloppy blogging in an effort to catch up. You'd think all these lazy summer days would leave me time to just sit and blog...but we all know the truth. So here is a speedy catch up from my last blog.

Liam is almost 11 months old! We have loved every milestone and new tricks he is learning. He has his contagious smile on his face about 95% of the time, and even the 5% it's not there, he is still too cute! Here he is very quickly pulling out the kleenex before I could stop him. He got tired of waiting for me to give him his snack.

The other day (like a week ago or so), Truett yelled at me to come into the living room. I immediately thought Liam was stuck or hurt. He just decided to get the toy he wanted instead of waiting on me. Now he thinks he can climb on anything and gets quite cranky when he can't!

I finally caved in and gave him his first haircut. I got tired of the flyaways coming over his ears. He did really well, giggling most of the time.

Truett made this "tie" for Tate for father's day in church. Tate was the man and wore it to lunch.

We have a tent we pull out every other month or so and it is an amazing playtime distraction for Truett Well, now Liam has figured out the joys of "tent rolling" and hiding from Mommy. I love hearing both the boys giggling at eachother and playing in the tent.

Here they are after nap, about to start rolling the tent. Such boys!

Here they are enjoying a snack. It looked they are in a line-up to me.

Our life group had a 4th celebration the week before the actual holiday. Our wonderful friends Marco and Kathy opened their home to a bunch of squealing adults and their kiddos. You are THE hostess, Kathy!

Here is my best friend Jessica and her sweet little girl, Willow Naomi. Beautiful Mommy!

Here is Liam trying to rock little Jake (son of my other best friend, Stacia) out of his car seat.

I tried to get a picture with a hat on each boy, but the hats kept fighting with eachother.

Liam has some major speed, and now I see all the dirt on the floor. Don't look.

Cuddle time with Mommy and my sugar-bears.

We have loved getting to go to the pool almost every day this summer. The boys love it, and so do the adults. Truett has improved TREMENDOUSLY since last summer. He will tell you all about how he can put his head under water now.

Had to get another tub picture. If you can see, the water looks like a whirl pool. Liam has no fear about getting on his tummy and squirming, kicking, crawling and whatever else it takes to make some waves. Of course, the little air bubbes escaping from his backside makes us all laugh.

And here is is showing off his teeth. He now has 8 and is working on number 9. If you visit, watch out for your ankles. He WILL bite them.